Bikram Practice Log

Bacon

Today was my 5th day in a row of classes.  I’ve been really busy with work and kids and holidays lately and it’s been hard to do more than 2 or 3 a week.  But I’ve managed to practice now 5 days in a row.  It has been going well.  I’ve felt really strong for most of it.

But toaday was different.  I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night, and I made the mistake of eating a bowl of cereal about an hour before class.  And sometime after Trikanasana the strangest thing happened.

I started smelling raw bacon.  You know how when a smell gets in your nose and even when the source is gone, you still kind of smell it.  That’s what this was like, except that I haven’t had any bacon in a while, so it wasn’t residual from my morning feast or anything. It just was kind of always there.  It came and went some, but it really never went away.

Needless to say, this was very distracting and made me kind of nauseous.

Today became an excercise in pacing myself.  One of the things a few of the teachers have said is that I look like I’m giving it my all for every posture.  But today there was no way that was going to happen.  I had to really pace myself so the smell of BACON wouldn’t overpower me.

Strange, isn’t it?  Maybe I was just hungry.

Persistence

Yesterday the stock market was out of control.  It closed 128 points down from Thursday, but before the closing bell, it swung wildly - at one point dropping down to about 8000.  Here’s what it looked like on the charts.  Bear with me here.  This will eventually get around to thoughts on yoga practice.

The last week has been terrible for just about anyone who has investments of any kind.  Retirement accounts, 529 plans for college education, mutual funds, or just plain old individual stocks - it was all hurting.

Personally, I’ve lost way more than I care to think about from my retirement and kids’ college funds.

Yet, what’s a person to do?  Take everything out of the markets and stuff it into a mattress?  Maybe, but if you do, make sure it’s gold and not paper dollar bills (which haven’t been backed by gold for about 30 years now).  Instead, however, I think the best course of action is to remain calm, stick to your economic principles and strategies, and keep at it.  This is one of those moments where fear, uncertainty and doubt take hold.  But don’t let it control you!

This is all prelude to what my week has been like with my practice.  It has mirrored the stock market.  I’ve had a terrible week.  So bad that I’ve seriously thought about giving it all up and taking up cycling again.  

Because I’ve been very busy I was only able to go a couple of times: Monday and Thursday.  But both times I suffered tremendously.  I couldn’t breathe.  The heat was killing me.  I wanted to leave.  I sat out about 1/3 of each class.  I was extremely unhappy.

Friday, I went to the 9AM class.  I was dreading it, given how difficult things have been this week.  From the moment I walked into the room I felt like it was too hot and/or humid.  I was seriously sweating even before the first breathing exercise, and once we began I truly felt like crying.  After the second set of Pranayama I just couldn’t take it - mentally.  Why was this happening to me?  I gathered all my stuff, walked out the door, and drove home.

All day I was miserable, and it just kept getting worse and worse.  Take a look at that graph again.  That big slide from 9:30AM to 4PM - that was me too.  And to top it all off, it was my 10th anniversary (with my very lovely wife, Katie).  

We planned a dinner at Table and I really didn’t want to ruin our plans for the evening because I was grumpy.  So by 4PM (look at the graph!) I sucked it up and went back to the afternoon practice.  

I walked into the room and you know what?  The same thing happened again.  Hot, hot, hot.  Sweat, sweat, sweat.  But this time I was persistent and I found strength in that.  I rallied, and all the unhappiness of the afternoon began to wash away.  

Every day is a chance to reach inside yourself and find strength and determination you didn’t know you had.  Every day is a chance to work towards self-realization.  This week I learned that the path is not a series of individual moments.  The journey is something unto itself.  And my practice is more than stretching in a hot room.  It is about persistence - living the practice and not just doing it.

Acceptance

One of the things that bugs me is how busy I get sometimes and really just can’t make it to practice.  It’s a huge committment to get there.  When you consider travel, cool down, shower, etc. a 90 minute class quickly becomes a 150 minute committment.  Given that I have to get my 2 boys off to school every morning at 7:20, and that Bikram Yoga is not the only activity in my life, I often find myself struggling to find a time to get to class.  And I get grumpy when I can’t go and end up taking it out on people.

But that’s not being a good yogi is it?

Just as I have to accept that after 6 months it is still difficult for me to stand on one locked leg for 60 seconds, I also must accept that there are other aspects of my life that need to be attended to.  I can’t always just drop everything and go - much as I would like to at times.

Yoga is helping me to learn how to deal with this.  In class I often find that I’m having a hard time accepting the heat or the humidity, getting angry or frustrated during class because the instructor won’t open the door or turn on the fans.  I wiggle and squirm in Savasana, trying desparately not to run out, screaming “screw it!” over my shoulder as I slip through the door and am gone.  But it never happens.  I accept it.  I try desparately not to try, but to just be.

So, now, I need to take that practice into my daily life.  I need to simply accept that today I must get the kids to school, deal with the furnace repair man and later the chimney sweep, the early dismissal the kids have from school, the midterm I still have to write for class tomorrow, and the house cleaning required for our guests arriving tonight.  Adding 2.5 hours of travel, practice, shower, travel just isn’t going to work no matter how grumpy I get with Katie.

There is a prayer called the “Serenity Prayer”:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

It fits just about perfectly here.  I just might add something like, “Lord grant me the strength to stand on one locked out leg for 60 seconds, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, etc….”

Nobody Home

I went to class yesterday after taking about 4 days off.  The 4 days were not intentional.  I’ve just been so busy rustling up work that it’s been hard to make it to class.

Yesterday was good though.  Taking the time off seems to not have had any real noticeable affect.  My left knee and hip are still kind of messed up from who-knows-what (probably some old injuy from high school sports).

But there’s no gasoline around here, and there were only about 5 people in class.  I woke up early, but then chose not to go this morning for just that reason.  Another 10 mile round trip is a half gallon of precious fuel in my truck.  It’s too far to go on bicycle at 6:30 AM, and the headlight on my motorcycle needs to be reparied, so I can’t leave the house when still almost dark outside.  So, I stayed home.  Does it count that last night I dreamt I was doing the postures.  Damn was I good.

No Coffee!?

Today was the 4th or 5th time now that I’ve consciously avoided coffee during the day before practice, and I think I’m on to something.  I really do think that I suffer more if I’ve had any coffee.  More sweat, more dizziness, more nausea.

Maybe it’s a sign I should not be drinking it.  Ohhh, but I love it so!

But it really is remarkable the difference when I’ve had some.  And if I’m having one of those tough 90 minute rides, and the instructor keeps talking about detoxing and how I’m sweating all the poisins out of my system — I just keep thinking, “damn all that toxic caffeine”.

I’ve always liked tea.  Maybe I can become a tea drinker instead.  We’ll see.  :)